Tuesday, February 24, 2009

You mean I'm not perfect? Are you sure?

Dear Father,

You've recently brought to my attention that I may be falling short of my perfectionism. Why, at 30, are you just now bringing this up? Can't I keep pretending that I can juggle it all? That I can handle anything that is thrown at me? I'm guessing those things of the past have brought me to the place I am today. Worried, scared, anxious, let down but at the same time free, comforted, calm, and thankful. It was a rude awakening. I guess you thought that laying it on my heart would do me some good....and you are right. Your always right but I'm too stubborn to see it sometimes. For that, I'm sorry...really, really sorry.

I can't stop getting caught up in all the thoughts of what will people think or I could've done better. I'm not a perfect mother or wife or nearly as good a friend and heaven knows my house isn't always perfect. You've told me over and over that this is okay. You love me just the same. It's good to know that no matter what shortcomings I have you are there to tell me you love me unconditionally, without fail. How can you do this? I wish I had a sweet spirit to forgive and let live. You already know I'm working on this. I have found such freedom in the things I have laid down at the cross. It's so hard for me to realize that you'll carry it all. Don't you ever feel so burdened with all my problems, demands, and concerns? We both know I have a lot! Speaking of concerns, when will the little men in my life learn to put the seat down and flush? Wait, don't tell me if it's going to be a long time or never ever. I'm really get sick of seeing pee in a toliet (I won't even burden you with the smell). I'm afraid to ask for patience in this matter so I guess I will ask for guidance. Yes, that sounds much better than patience. We both know what happened last time I prayed for patience.

I need your help with a few things. Some of them I need alot of help with but I'm ready to start where ever you might lead me.
~ I haven't a clue how to really reach Tristan. Did you make him like me? I see so much of my stubborn self in him. He's always got to be right! Hmm, where oh where did he get that from?
~ Help me love myself again for who I am and not what I want to be. I know I've got to be easier on myself for not reaching those expectations of perfectionsim. I'm NOT PERFECT! I'm NOT PERFECT! IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY! It's liberating to say it out loud.
~ Show me that having it all is empty and things fade away. I have so many wants of material things. This is something I've struggled with since I can remember. Ok, let me get this off my chest real quick....I might, MIGHT, have a little problem with shopping. I am trying to get it under wraps or at least with a budget in mind. I can't help myself when it comes to all things southern..you know-the monograms, smocking, etc. I am giving this budget thing a try. I know, it's about time. You've been telling me this for years now and I know I haven't listened but to you I give. All I ask for is wisdom and maybe a bit of patience....geez, there I go again. I'm in for it...aren't I?
~ Give me strength to mend relationships that are broken and finally forgive. I know, I know...I'm one for saying I forgive but not meaning it. I tend to make those that hurt me pay dearly. I push and I push. Help me to find the words to say I'm sorry and mean it for not truly forgiving. To help and not judge. To love and not just like.
~ Teach me to slow down and hold on to what matters. You've really helped me say no. It's kinda nice not having a full plate all the time. Thanks for showing me that I matter and taking time for myself is much deserved.
~ Help me not be ashamed of all my skeletons, shortcomings, failures, and insecurities. You've forgiven me and that is all that matters.

With the deepest love and admiration,
a not so perfect gal

Do you have imperfections? I was recently told that "there is no healing in hiding". Take the chance to let all your wounds be healed and find forever freedom in letting it out. You'll be happier you did. There is always Someone there to wipe those tears, heal a broken heart, and be your FOREVER FRIEND.

Monday, February 23, 2009

a new obsession

It's Monday....right?

I had such a great weekend....besides the growth of our home pharmacy. Will there ever be a week that goes by without a dr's visit or antibiotics? I just got off a z-pac about 2 weeks ago only to find out a week later that I have a double ear infection along with an ear that is missing a tube, that I just had put in less than a year ago. To top it all off, Tristan has an ear infection too and now Tanner has got the gunk and is only getting worse. Another ped visit in my near future? I'm sure.

So, weekend projects. Who knew decorating an older boys room was so flipping difficult! I've literally searched for months, ask any of my friends and family as this is all I ever talk about, for bedding for my oldest son who is 8. Half my problem is the fact that I vow not to paint the room. It's a golden, butter color and finding bedding has been a real test. I guess I should say, bedding that I can afford and won't cost as much as a house payment before it's all said and done. I finally settled on some PB Kids bedding that I found at the outlet for 75% off. It's simple and cute...and predominately white. Whatever am I thinking. Oh, I know...they were only $30 something a piece and since we have bunkbeds I settled. My next task...sheets. Again, am I too outrageously picky or is there nothing out there?!?! I will say I found some cute ones from Pamela Kline's line but with a price tag of $159 for a twin sheet set my better instinct says I'll pass and instead buy groceries for a week. I joined the bandwagon that all you crafty people call decoupaging. For year and years I've called the stuff modge podge until my husband, yes I said husband, informed me that it is mod podge. What??? Why has no one corrected me? Thanks friends. I would ultimately love it if someone commented and said...oh no Breanne, there is a brand called modge podge. Humor me people! I went crazy with this stuff...how addicting is it? Every one now has their initials coming to a room near them.

I hit the "Big One" Saturday. Our local flea market has such a catchy name, eh? There wasn't much but I did find a set of bullhorns for Tanner's cowboy room. Yet again, another work in progress. I can't wait to post pictures of the finished project. My little ole' brain is cooking up so many thoughts on decorating lately. Problem is my checkbook hasn't caught on the bandwagon. It takes so much! I also scored a cute little iron planter for my bathroom, another (hubby was oh so excited about this) smocked outfit for Tanner, and a picture frame and lampshade for said little one's room. Then with a little visit to Hobby Lobby for some 80% off home accents my heart was content and my account didn't go into cardiac arrest. Pictures coming soon!

Somewhat on the subject...can someone inform me on how to add pictures after you type your post out? Or can you only post them from the get go and type around them. I've typed all this out and now realized that I didn't add any pictures!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Friday Favorites

Do you ever have to ask your 8 yr old what the date is? Or do the days run into each other? This is me on a constant basis. I've caught myself leaving a message for someone on their voicemail and having to pause to think of what day it is. I'm horrible! Since staying home doesn't require me to date the top of my memos, I hardly ever know if it's Tuesday or Friday. Never fear though, Wednesdays are always safe...it's MDO day! A gal can never forget when one's free day is. After pondering solutions, I felt a calendar would do no good. If I don't even know what day it is how on earth would I get the date right. And then my answer...the creme de'la creme...I could get a Lil' Reminder. I would never forget where I parked my car and could even tell little Johnny that I'm going out to the mailbox to get the mail and in case of an emergency...call 911. You know, just in case you need a Lil' Reminder.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

You're fired!

So, let me first start off by firing my Thursday protege. He's thrown in the towel, given up, raised the white flag....for now at least. I'm all you get!

Projects, projects, projects! I vowed the other day to really get my house in order...once and for all. I'm so sick of searching 3 different closets and 2 cabinets to find the Motrin. Time to 'try' and get organized. I first thought I needed to find some storage bins. I was really excited about this until I got out there. Here in Memphis, we have no Ikea, no Container Store. I've searched high and low at Target, Lowe's, Home Depot, and yes...I even went to a Walmart. You now know how desperate I am to get it all over and done with. I want it to be cute too...hence the problem. For now, here is what was (I still can't believe I'm posting the most embarassing closet in my house!):
And here it is now:
Ahh, it feels good to know that my gift ribbons are all color coordinated, gift bags are in one place, and when fevers spike I can know where to go to (the first time that is) and find Motrin! Whew.
My next project was recovering my desk chair. My mom gave me the most devine fabric to match my room. You really can't tell but the cheetah print is aqua, cream, and a linen color. To die for...and if only I had more of it. One of my projects is to get all of our bedrooms completely decorated. I made the call, finally, to get a new dust ruffle made. So pictures will be coming soon...hopefully!

Monday, February 16, 2009

eight is great!

I'm birthday-ed out! I thought this year I'd get off easier by not doing a big party for Tristan. Since having 2 kids, we decided that every other year the boys could have a full blow-out bday party. I'm a little ocd when it comes to parties so I tend to go way over board which leads to $500 bday parties. Something that I'm not proud of but it adds up quickly!!! So, on odd years we get together with the family and do a small party. This year Tristan wanted me to cook breakfast for everyone. I thought I was saving so much money because a few eggs and some bacon won't break the bank...or so I thought. Remember when I said I went a little ocd on parties...homemade waffles w/ homemade blueberry syrup and fresh strawberries, baked cheese grits, eggs w/ sauteed mushrooms, avocado, tomatoes, cheese, sour cream, and green onions, Panera bagels w/ loxs and cream cheese, steamed asapargus, bacon, turkey sausage, biscuits and gravy, and homefries....I think that rouned off the list. I did make some cute bacon and egg cupcakes. The bacon was a real thorn in my side. This picture was taken before the bacon set up and "dried". I rolled out gum and dusted it with cocoa powdered and used food paint. Lets just say that all the cupcakes did NOT have bacon on them.
Tanner got a present too because heaven knows it's his birthday too. He exclaimed that "I knew I always wanted this!".
Sunday was actually Tristan's birthday and we decided to take him out for a fun day. He decided he wanted seafood so we went to Flying Fish downtown. I don't know who was more excited....afterall, Sundays is 50 cent oyster day! Tristan had a little plate of snow crab legs and oysters on the half shell. The boy can eat I tell ya! Here is tour guide Tristan showing me all the Memphis landmarks in the trolley.
Since cheesecake is Tristan's all time favorite food, we took him down to Cheesecake Corner. He tried the lime cheesecake, Troy had mint chocolate cheesecake, and Tanner and I split the caramel apple cheesecake. If you've ever been there you know 4 people can really split 1 piece! Here is what was left of Troy and Tristan's.
My aunt gave us tickets to the circus and since I love free I gobbled them up. Let me just tell you that after 2 light up swords, 2 light up snowcone cups, a Diego balloon, a Spiderman balloon, 2 elephant rides, box of popcorn, 3 sodas, a funnel cake, and a corndog (all in a 3 hour time frame mind you)...I really paid for those tickets!!!! Thanks Aunt Linda!!!!
This is a really bad picture but the boys are in the very front.
My sweet, precious boy is 8...isn't it great!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday Favorites

If you know me well, you know how much I really can't stand Valentines Day. I LoVe all the cute little crafts and what not...check out Love, Laughter, & Lyrics for adorable ideas, but the day itself just doesn't do anything for me. What I really hate is all that cheesy, commercialized junk. The stuffed animals, Zales' $99 jewelry specials, boxes of chocolate (well, if anyone wants to send me a box of Vosges' chocolates I will not hurt your feelings and turn them down), balloons, and grocery store 'spring' bouquets. It's sends me over the edge...really. It's not that I'm not romantic but it's such a huge pressure cooker to try and match the expectations of one day of "love". Dealing with all the newly dating couples while they whisper sweet nothings to each other at the Melting Pot doesn't seem to tickle my fancy. So, in honor of my chipper spirit of the lovefest day... What are your favorite things you love to hate?

1. the self-check out lines at the grocery store...they seem to always want to beep at you!
2. people who like to pick their nose or their fingers/toes...no names here.
3. aol
4. voice mail...it's a love hate thing. I'm really bad about checking it...seems like a big ole' pain.
5. cbs news...mainly katie couric these days.
6. music while you are on hold on a call.
7. screaming musicians
8. sleeveless boy shirts
9. light-up shoes
10. and while we are at it....cartoon character apparel even though I have given in to the cries of my children.
12. most chain restaurants...I will say one of my fav places is Pei-Wei though.
13. public potty mouths
14. Germantown Pkwy
15. rude waitresses/waitors
16. Walmart!!!!!!
17. ground beef
18. excessive pda
19. cell phones ringing during church
20. K-swiss

Well, that is it for now. I'm sure there are many more that I'm not thinking of right now....and I'm sure my husband would highly agree with this. What can I say...I tend to be picky at times.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

My dearest 20 yr old Breanne,

Oh how you are young and stupid! That's right, I said stupid. You think you know it all but you really don't have a clue. Step back down to reality and live in the moments of today. Being a decade older, I can tell you that life is not all peaches and roses. After a while the peaches start growing mildew and the roses start to lose their petals. Here are a few life lessons that may be of help during tough times:

1. Be yourself! Stop trying to impress every guy you meet with your ever so bubbly chest. They will always find another bosom buddy around the corner. Yank up that shirt hun...enough said.

2. Get a degree for something you love. If not you'll be 30 before you know it and with 2 kids in tow, it will be harder than ever to make the track to back to school.

3. You think you are really cute now with your oh so leather like tan. Get out of the beds...haven't you heard they cause cancer!

4. Don't throw away friendships for a boy. You'll get the boy but will regret the friends you forgot about and didn't make time for.

5. Get involved in church and surround yourself with Christ followers. You've turned your back to God and will be weaping on your knees plenty in the near future. Remember...he heals all wounds and will wipe away the tears.

6. Stop drinking so many rum & cokes with a squeeze of lime...they only lead to many embarassing moments at Benihana's!!!!

7. Do you really think you look good in that cherry dress? Anyone over the age of 8 should not be wearing cherries on a dress...especially one who is 20. Throw the dress away now and stop holding on to it like you are going to fit back in it! Would you really wear it in 10 years anyways? If you are digging the cherries, try the chocolate covered ones instead. You'll never regret you did.

8. Stop trying to be perfect! You never will be and that is okay. God loves you just the way you are...mistakes and all. Years from now you'll still be telling yourself this but it's good to have it in the back of your mind now...maybe if you listen to me now when you are 30 you will let loose you perfectionist!

9. You don't know it now, but in another year you'll be married and in no time flat you'll be having a baby. My how life can change in the blink of an eye. Don't be afraid to admit that you are lost and lonely. Having a baby is hard and let the ones you love in. You will have a very hard time after the birth of your 1st child and will be very sick and nearly die. Don't blame yourself for not knowing what to do. And thank your husband for taking such good care of you....he earned it BIG time.

10. Always remember that you are worth God's sacrifice. Right now, you blame Him for so much pain and hurt but you will soon see that all those burdens will fall quickly if you release those fears to Him. Feel free to put yourself first at times...you'll be a better wife and mother for it. You will be one of those soccer mom, PTO types but embrace it for everything it is....except for the mini-van and the decals. You've got to draw the line somewhere! You are who you are and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

your forever 29 year old friend that still can't claim she's 30
~want to read more letters? go to Beth's blog: Not a Bow in Sight and join in the fun!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

All in a Day

So my recent trip to Louisiana lent me a few funnies. With all the genius marketing people out there lending their expertise in business names and concepts, I wonder how long it took the owners of this fine establishment to come up with this name....and yes, it was the name of the buisness.

And as if Pizza In A Box weren't bad enough, apparently Macy's is going thrifty (and Redneck:)

I seriously crashed as soon as I walked in the door. As if shoving candy and junk food down the boy's throats for 6 hours wasn't bad enough...we turned on the tube and played the Wii so momma could rest her eyes. I tell myself every mother does this...right?
Since I long to keep up with June Cleaver I realized tomorrow was Tanner's Valentines party to which I commited a sweet treat. Then, as every holiday, I have to bring the teachers a little something to let them know how much we love them (or as Tanner says...lub them). Off to my ribbon mound and craft basket to find something to whip together. I won't lie though, I did buy the scrapbook paper to try my hand at modge podging but time didn't grant me enough of it's ever so sweet glory. I found some buckets that I had from Easter (the $1 section at Target is great!) and threw some 'store made' blueberry scones in it along with a cute little Valentine Day ornament.

Thank goodness for Betty Crocker because she never lets me down! I tried my hand at using applesauce instead of oil in a cake mix and I do have to say I love it! You'd never know the fat bottle wasn't popped open and poured in.
Mmm, cupcakes. Aren't they devine?

Friday, February 6, 2009

Friday Favorites

Since I'm sick I have a few favorite things geared toward sickness. Now the norm is to have a hot, piping bowl of homemade soup. Don't get me wrong....I love this but only if made by the hands of my mother and since she is 18hrs away I highly doubt I'll be getting that this time around. My go to comfort food this time was chicken curry. Something about the mixture of everything but the kitchen sink and coconut milk on top of steamy jasmine rice coupled with the extra hour of workout time tempted my tasteless buds. You know when you're sick nothing seems to taste the same but this time it did. Pure pleasure and worth every sore muscle in my body!

There is a certain way to eat curry...at least in this house. It must, MUST have a squeeze of lime and fresh cilantro! To top it off try katki...pickled mango of sorts. I got this in the mail the other day which sparked my need to have curry. I haven't been able to find it in Memphis but thanks be to my mom and her hubby it arrives on my doorstep when needed. A MILLION THANKS you two! You can't forget the toasted Naan bread either.

You might say that when sick you have to drink a cup of tea with lemon and honey. Great, but something about fizzy Diet Coke did it for me. I've cut carbonated beverages out but the goodness of hazardous chemicals tempted me once again. Thank you Coca-Cola for providing the world with this beverage of goodness! Don't forget the drugs either....a Z-pac will do you good:)

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Thursday Tidbits with Tristan

Ok, so I've decided that I'm dedicating Thursdays for Tristan. He will enlighten you with all his elementary knowledge and hopefully make you laugh at the same time! The floor is all his.

Let's see alot of people have been getting in trouble lately. So I plan on helping them behave themselves. I will teach them how to eat for the first 15 minutes so they can behave themselves. I like to behave too. Sometimes people throw food and even share their food when they are not suppose to. I don't want to share my food because then I will get an S- on my weekly report. My favorite thing in the cafeteria is eggrolls and baked beans. The eggrolls have lots of good stuff in them like chicken, cabbage, and carrots. Me and Torriq like to eat together and we never talk when we aren't suppose to. Today I remembered about the jokes in a Captain Underpants book. I told my friends: What is cold, green, and is topped with whipped cream? A snot fudge sundae. They laughed their hearts off. The end!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

saying goodbye

Well, I wanted to have a cheerful post about my day. I had the sickness fairy visit rapidly last night. It wasn't even taking prisoners...instead she decided to conquer and defeat without sparing one soul. I have felt it trying to squeeze in my life for a week now and I guess I just gave in to the temptation of lounging around for a few days. Of course, that would be nice but I did nothing of the sorts.

I sat down to finish up some trunk show orders when I saw an email from my mom about my great Uncle. He has been in the hospital for few weeks now and his dear soul just couldn't hold on anymore. At 2:30 this morning he went to be with Jesus. He told my Aunt Ga a few days ago that he was ready to go Home. Hearing that made me rejoice but at the same time my heart is aching for my aunt and his children! Although here on earth we are sad, our Heavenly Father is embracing one of His children. My great uncle was a true testiment of how one truly lets Jesus' light shine. I am tearful but soon think of how he is dancing and worshiping next to the One who saved him from a life without cause. Wow, what a awesome day that will be when God makes us whole again. When every wound is healed and we are perfect in every way. What a day when we see Jesus face to face. My little brain can't begin to comprehend.

Nothing else seems to matter about my day. Not the countless pants Tanner went through today or how I had to tell Tristan a 1000 times to stop running at my grandmothers. No, today is a day to think about a man's life and how his testimony impacted my own.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

In the quiet of the night.

Some- thing is so charming about a quiet house. The sheer joy I get when my kids lay their soft, sweet head on their pillow at night gives me chills. Yes, they are cute and innocent but the real joy is...the quiet house. It is as if the house is saying ahhh, a moment to breathe and relax. It got me to thinking about how God feels when His house is full. We know He is with us all the time but oh how He must feel when we simply lay our heads to rest! What relief He must feel when all His children just stop and rest. I think we get so busy in our daily lives that we forget to just be. Believe you me, I'm a go getter. The busier the more important I feel and the more I'm needed but at the end of the day I'm exhausted and am so thankful I can crash. Our Father never gets that and I have come to the realization that He welcomes the chaos. I lift burden after burden and friend after friend to Him and never once does He refuse my pleas. What an awesome feeling it is to know that He is the one to carry it all!

Monday, February 2, 2009

so here goes everything!

Since everyone else is doing it why not me. Blogging seems the norm now and since I long to be cool here I am. I hope this is a fun journey and helps to keep friends and family up to date on what is going on in and around our lives. I want this blog to be fun and quirky but also hope to expose our hearts and be a bit serious at times. If you know me well, this you know to be true about me in general. I started a blog awhile back and never went anywhere with it. Half my problem was that I wanted one of those really cutsie blogs..the ones you pay someone a bunch of money to put every little southernesic touch on it. Somehow I can't justify $90 to my hubby for an 'adorned' blog and truth be told I haven't even tried. So for now, I will go with the plain ole' template unless someone who is tech-savvy can show a little love.

As I was thinking about titles for my big debut in blogging, I had a bit of a time coming up with a name that suit all of us. Did I want to go with the Bozant family? can't I come up with something a bit more unique? So here we sit with me and my three. And no, that isn't three as in "surprise...we're having #3!". It's me and my three...boys. I hope to get Tristan on here at times. I'm not promising much but it'll be fun to see him in all his glory.

So, here's to lots of laughs for years to come!