dear world

Dear World,

I have some serious issues with what goes on in your little world as of late. These strange, annoying things keep happening to me. I'm peeved and annoyed but let's just say I'll deal. I'm just going to lay it out in bulletin style because I want to get directly to the point.

• will you please let the lovely ladies that wear white cotton tank tops know that a bra might be needed?
• will you please tell the neighborhood association guy to quit taking joy rides around the neighborhood just to look at my dead plants? i know it's him leaving me a 'warning' in the mailbox. and hey, fyi...my adirondack chair is much cuter than his folding sports chair sitting in his driveway. isn't this against code?
• can you please let the nice, old lady at the do it yourself check out lanes know that scanning one item per minute is not acceptable? especially when we are buying toliet paper because three days of using paper towels does not award you mommy of the year.
• hey guy....in the white jeans, with the jersey on...tell your wife with the white tank top to put a bra on! y'all might want to stay away from the white. i'mjustsayin'.
• i need, yes NEED, you to let my hairdresser know that bangs and curly hair just don't go together. it's like water and oil...not so good. maybe i could use the oil to tame these curls? wait, he does speak english, right?